MadManMatt

mattwebbslife:

Today I woke up feeling in a lot of pain, so much so that I felt like I was going to throw up. It has halted me from attending a funeral of a family member and it made me feel like crap. I tried to put my prosthesis on, but was unable to even stand. So all I got to do was lay down and pray for the pain to subside. After a while it eventually did go away a little bit, but I am still in a bit of pain. I had planned to clean and organize after the funeral today because the house is a complete mess, all I could do was fold my clothes and put a few things away. That in itself was enough to make my legs swell and put me right back on my ass. At first I felt pretty down about myself and started to dwell on the negative. I was looking at my legs wishing that I had never had them amputated. I was getting angry and red in the face, clinching my fist, ready to punch a wall or do some damage to myself. I don’t want this feeling in my mind, I do not want to put that on myself or make others feel like they need to help me or anything like that. 

So I told my self that I need to change my mindset, I closed my eyes, did some breathing exercises and focused on the positive things in life. I have a roof over my head, I am surrounded by beautiful friends and family, I am able to eat three meals a day, sleep with a pillow under my head and a blanket around my body. Life is great, life is beautiful and majestic! So the challenge for me today is to point out the positive things out of the negative. If you are feeling down look in a mirror and tell yourself 10 positive things that are surrounding you right in that moment, even if its as little as noticing that you have a toothbrush to clean your mouth. Some people do not have that luxury. Stay positive people, stay loving and humble. One love. 

mattwebbslife:

Okay so its been a very long while since I have been logged onto Tumblr, and let me tell you, a lot has happened! I got a girlfriend, fell in love with her, got a car with her, a dog, and then after a year and a half she got a condo and I moved in. She basically supported me with everything, even though I had a job all my money was going towards the car payments so I was unable to help pay for things around the house. It made feel pretty damn low to be honest. I couldn’t even take her on a date and it was certainly taking a toll on our relationship. I started to be in too much pain with my legs and my prosthesis becoming too old and warn out, so I started to see doctors and they said that I now need a few major surgeries. They are talking about amputating more of my legs. I’m pretty scared but its needed so I can do the things in life that I love. I started to get really depressed and couldn’t take the pain anymore, so I made a big decision and broke up with my girlfriend, I wasn’t happy and I started to not love her anymore anyway. I was dragging her down and preventing her from advancing in life, I could not put anyone through that anymore. 

Well now I am living at my best friends house and am on medical leave from work. I am working on getting my disability payments, seeing a lot of doctors, and meeting with my social worker. Its very stressful, but I am staying afloat. The anti depressants are pretty helpful as well. Anyways I am staying positive and am getting my self out there again. I cant wait to have my surgeries and start improving my life. I think I should start going to the gym again as well, but I also do not want to further damage myself and have a setback on my surgeries. So I am writing this because its a way to distress, and I hope to help motivate other people that are going through a rough time. Stay motivated, positive, and don’t let anything bring you down. fight through it all, there is always worse out there in the world and with everything going on right now, we need as many people out there helping others out. Please do something positive in your life, and in someone else’s life as well, it makes a huge difference. 

This is my blog page where my goal is to help inspire and motivate people’s lives. I am no therapist, and I do not claim to be. But what I do want is to help give some motivation to humans around the world. Please give a like and share, and don’t forget to follow my page. I will try to post everyday. May you all have a beautiful and wonderful day in this life you lead!